Surfing ruined my life – perpetual skulduggery in the pursuit of waves.

Surfing ruined my life. Allow me to explain. Wake early and reach for my phone. Check surfcam. Check wave buoy readings. Get a groan and nudge/nag from wife about putting kettle on. Check surfcam again. Get another nag. Head downstairs and flick kettle switch. Check forecast sites – Magicseaweed, Windguru, XC Weather, Met Office and so on. Kettle boils. Ignore it and check surfcam, again! Get shouted at from upstairs about bringing tea/coffee. Make tea/coffee. Get hurriedly changed and head outside. Check wetty and surfboards are locked and loaded. Aim for beach.

Surfing check and on it!

Rock up and scope the scene. Good to go! Hurriedly don rubber, attach leash to ankle, pick up board and run to water’s edge. Ride slightly bumpy shoulder high waves for an hour. Check watch. Rush back to van and hurriedly change. Drive too fast to work. Arrive late and get a rollicking from boss. Sit down and briefly scour emails. Bored after 10 mins. Hit up forecast sites again. Check multiple surfcams. Log onto Facebook and read through various surfing posts. Make it look like I’m working every so often so I don’t further flack.

Lunchtime. Check surfcam again. Damn! Wind now offshore, sun out and swell up. Think, think. Adopt walking wounded kilter and croaky voice. Check watch quickly before telling boss I’m unwell. Receive a scrutinising look.

Back for more!

Grab van keys and head out of building, careful not to show too much urgency. Pull out of carpark and sneak round bend before gunning it. Note time. Two hours until school run. Accelerate. Hit beach and park up. Take stock of others waxing up. Do I know any of them? Nope, all good. Slip into wet wetsuit and grab surfboard. Race to water’s edge. Paddle out and enjoy 90 mins of pure surfing bliss. Score two barrels. Check time. One more wave. Damn! Snap leash and have to swim back. Get pounded in impact zone. Drag myself up beach to find surfboard in two pieces! No!

Quickly get changed. 10 mins to get to school. Make it just in time – kids waiting patiently. ‘Daddy why are you all soggy?’ Promise ice cream in return for silence – bribery. Pull up at home. Wife still out. Head inside and make dinner, checking forecast/kids OK in between stirring spag bol. Feed kids. Wife arrives. ‘How was your day?’. ‘Fine’. Try not to be too animated.

Evening maneuvers.

Put kids to bed. Plonk down on sofa with surf mag. Mumble chat to wife every so often. Offer an excuse about missing weekend family gathering. Check surf forecast. Message mates about weekend session. Get told family gathering attendance is mandatory – no argument. Plan and scheme of ways to make surfing work around family do. Consider locations. Decide where to go. Two hour window – easy!

Hang wet wetty to dry. Wax up new surfboard. Try not to let wife see. Quickly sneak it out to van. Head to bed. Have WhatsApp convo about the day’s surfing. Delete all evidence of chat having finished. Check forecast one last time. Fall asleep.’ Rinse and repeat…

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